


Some Old Wounds Never Truly Heal

by greenleafin



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canonical Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-21
Updated: 2013-07-21
Packaged: 2017-12-20 21:57:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/892349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenleafin/pseuds/greenleafin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And bleed again at the slightest word.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Some Old Wounds Never Truly Heal

**Author's Note:**

> title is taken from George R.R. Martin
> 
> also let it be known that jeanmarco is going to be the death of me

Everyone loved Marco Bodt. 

How could you not? He was sweet, carefree, always easy to help and easy to smile or laugh. 

Out of everyone that died in the battle for Trost, it seemed Marco was the overall most grieved. Even those who weren't entirely familiar with the boy missed his sweet, freckled face. There were even a couple of those who didn't know his name, just knew him as the kid that stopped Jean from fighting everyone, and now there was no one to hold him back. 

The first person that had tentatively asked Jean where Marco was had gotten his jaw broken.  
No one asked Jean much at all after that. 

The days after the clean up were terrible for everyone, really, why did Jean think he had lost the most? Why did he get to be the one that always cried himself to sleep at night, the one whose screams woke the entire rest of his barrack after a nightmare, calls of "Fuck, Jean, just shut up," and "If you don't knock that shit off I'm going to kill you." 

That's what he thought at least. He also half thought someone would just kill him, but Marco wouldn't want that. 

Marco wouldn't want a lot of things that Jean did after, but Jean chalked it up to his greiving process, imagining Marco snort at his lame attempt at an excuse for his actions. For the not eating, for all the crying, for not sleeping until he passed out because he was terrified of the nightmares that awaited him night after night after night. 

Images of Marco's 3D maneuver gear failing, Marco knew he would try so hard not to cry, but he would from frustration more than fear-Marco always had some sort of acceptance if he could give his life to help, to be useful. But when the titan that ended his life got closer, that's when he would lose it. Calling out to Jean to save him, please, please save him-Help me, Jean, please help me I'm scared-I'm-

Jean could hear it in his head even if he knew that wasn't entirely right, that Marco wouldn't want Jean to help him if it meant Jean's life was at risk. 

But Jean would give anything, he would give his own life a million-a billion-times over if it meant Marco would still be here. 

If it meant his sparkling brown eyes and freckled smile, his kindness, his love, his radiance would still be here in this world. 

But he was gone. 

And despite all the promises Jean had made, al the time spent drilling into himself that he would protect Marco no matter what, he would save him if he was ever in trouble, that if Marco needed him he would be there...And he wasn't there. He didn't save him, he didn't protect him, all he did was let him alone to die. 

Now that he thought back to it actually, he couldn't remember when they had been seperated, too much was going on and the next thing he knew he was left just hoping, praying to whatever higher being there was that Marco would be okay. 

Some good that did. 

Closing his eyes and silently letting the tears slip from beneath his lids, he thought back to all the times he had shared with Marco. 

Comforting Marco after a nightmare, he'd been having quite a few of those the past couple months before his death. Always the same thing he said, he was alone, his gear had failed a titan grabbed him, and it ate him whole and he died there in the titan's stomach. Not that far off from what happened. 

Happier memories came to his mind, of Marco's sweet smile, Marco always being patient with Jean, even when he didn't get something or when he got into fights. The first time he had made it his goal to kiss all of Marco's freckles, the second time, the third time. All the times Jean had run his hands through Marco's hair, the times Marco's hands had gripped Jean's hair when Jean was sucking him off, of the times they'd had sex on their top bunk, trying to keep oh-so-quiet so they wouldn't wake anyone else up. 

The one time they had, Marco blushed 3 days straight it seemed, Jean kissing his cute little cheeks again and again hadn't seemed to help, but Marco didn't mind. 

And now all those memories were tainted by the fact that Marco was gone, that Jean would never see him again, that the last time he had seen him was when he was loading his half a body onto the pyre, watching it burn along with all the others. 

And Jean had fallen to his knees then, not moving until Annie had come and stood by him and gripped his shoudler when they needed to leave. 

And he still shuffled back to their camp. 

And he had run into a building because he couldn't see through his tears. 

And instead of bouncing off it and growling at anyone who laughed, instead of Marco grinning and stifling a giggle that could only get Jean to laugh along, he fell to his knees. 

And instead of Marco helping him to his feet, it was Annie, telling him he could have all the time to weep back at the barracks, but he just needed to get there first. 

And Jean wanted to curse her, to throw her hand off his shoulder, but he was out of energy, he was so out of anything but sadness and sorrow and tears, there never seemed to be enough of those it seemed. But he let her haul him up, he let her words guide him to his bed, so he could sob into his pillow until he lost consciousness, and that's when his own nightmares started. 

And Jean wanted to die. 

But first, he'd kill every single fucking titan, he'd avenge his lost lover, he wouldn't let Marco's death be for nothing. 

And nothing was going to stop him.


End file.
